It started with an email from our webguy. He was letting me know that the Mayor of Oshawa now follows St. Luke’s on Twitter. Pretty cool, right? I thought so, too. But in that our webguy and I have a long standing tradition of joking with and poking fun at each other, I replied with an email that said something along the lines of: wow, is that added incentive for me to keep my blogs and sermons up to date?

Our webguy replied and in all seriousness, suggested that maybe I have a problem with a guilty conscience. All he was trying to do was say ‘isn’t it cool that the Mayor is following our little church?’ I fired back an email and said – I think it’s cool, too, and I was just joking about the added incentive

Now, if what I told the webguy was true, I should have been able to let it go at that. But the email conversation stuck with me. And after a day or two, I had to admit that our webguy was right: I have a guilty conscience. I have a certain standard that I set for myself, and I haven’t been able to live up to it. This fall was tough for me – a lot of things were weighing on me heavily – and one of the ways that manifested itself was in the fact that I didn’t keep my blog and audio sermons up to date.

Fastforward a day or two. I was listening to Rob Bell preach. He was talking about the fact that many Christians, despite their faith and wisdom, despite their maturity, despite their love for Jesus, haven’t really trusted Jesus. And this comes out of us in a number of different ways. Sometimes in a negative way: making a judgement about the essence of a person based on a mistake they’ve made. Sometimes in a positive way: continually trying to present the gospel to someone who is not willing or able to hear it. Either way, the deeper cause of these actions is that the Christian hasn’t surrendered themselves and the people in their life to Jesus. These behaviours are an attempt to gain control over our own life, or the lives of those we love. But only Jesus has control over these things.

That sermon (January 10th, "Judging") blew me away, and really challenged me to ask myself: who haven’t I surrendered to Jesus? What parts of my life have I held back from Him? 

I believe that the deepest freedom and peace come from a life surrendered to the Living God of the Universe. And what our webguy and Rob Bell have taught me this week, is that I’m not so good at surrender. I’m not so good at trust.

Are you? If you aren’t, would you join me in praying about this? If you are, would you pray for those of us who aren’t? 

Blessings,
R.